


Part 12/?

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Help Me: On Hiatus : NOT ABANDONED [12]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, F/M, Feels, Flashbacks, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Language, Not Steve Friendly, Panic Attacks, Steve's still a dick, a little bit of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 16:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13034997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Y/N, with the help of Bucky, tells the others what else happened. Though some believe it more than others.





	Part 12/?

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who’s finally posting the next part? Yeah, this isn’t going to get any good in the next few parts...so be prepared for a bucket load of feels coming your way. Oh and Steve’s in for a world of hurt, but that’s later. So now, read, enjoy and get ready.

* * *

_ Readers POV _

 

Sooner or later, you knew that you and Bucky had to leave the comfort and privacy of the shower. In here, you knew that you were warm, home...safe in his arms. But you couldn’t stay in there forever, even though it would be nice if you both could. To just melt away along with the water, swirling down the drain, away from what lays ahead.

Bucky turned off the water, opening the glass doors and grabbed a towel to dry himself off before wrapping it around his waist. He comes back with a towel for you and dried you off gently, wrapping it around your chest, tucking in the end and just looked at you. You watched as his blue-grey eyes flickered over your face, hands lazily holding the back of your neck, fingers locked in your damp hair.

“What is it?” You asked him quietly, resting your hands on his smooth chest.

He smiled softly at you. “I just really love you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N.” You let him tilt your head back as he leaned down to kiss you. It was soft, gentle and full of promises, of love. Leaning into him, you let yourself just drift away and just focus on the way his lips molded into yours.

“I love you too, Bucky.” You whispered against his lips, still pressed up against him. He rubbed his nose with yours, kissing it quickly before leading you back into the bedroom for you guys to change for the day. You changed into your favorite pair of jeans, a sweater, socks and decided to just throw your hair up in a bun, you’d deal with it later. Bucky dressed the same way but went for a black shirt instead. Once ready, he linked his right hand with yours and lead the way down to the communal floor, where the others were most likely lounging about.

Which they were. Bruce was reading, Clint watching something on the TV, while Natasha rested her feet on his lap as she sharpened her knives. Tony was on his Starkpad, typing away rapidly, most likely responding to SI emails or Pepper. Wanda and Vision were talking on a couch quietly, Sam, Steve, and Thor were off somewhere, you weren’t sure. When you both walked in, out of instinct, Bucky manouvered you to stand behind him as he quickly searched the room for any possible threats. You peeked over his shoulder and noticed Natasha watching him.

“Sam is running with Steve, you can relax Yasha. Y/N, come join us, I think we just started a new episode.” Nat gestured to the spot in front of her as she sat up, placing a pillow by her feet. You felt Bucky relax but was still on edge. You kissed the back of his neck softly, digging your thumbs into his shoulder blades in a rotating fashion, an attempt to calm him. You smiled as he groaned deeply when you hit a particular spot.

“Come on babe, you’ll be with me the whole time.” You moved past him, taking him by his hand towards the couches, sitting on the pillow in front of Natasha. Wanda tossed you another one and you placed it in your lap, pointing to it.

“Lay down and rest for a bit, you did a lot today.” Bucky carefully got down and laid on his back, situating his head on your lap, after he let you remove the hair tie.

“If you wanted a round two, all you had to do was ask, doll.” He gave you a playful grin, winking at you.

“Oh come on you guys! TMI, way, way TMI!” Clint proclaimed from the couch, Bucky just laughed as he picked up one of your hands to fiddle with.

“I do not understand, what is ‘TMI’?” Vision asked questionably.

“It means ‘Too Much Information’, Viz. Hawkie here is just too lazy to speak in full sentences.” Tony teased from the other side of the room.

“Shut up Stark, you do it too!” The rest of the group just smiled at the two men’s bickering. You on the other hand just looked down at Bucky fondly, bending down to kiss him before putting your attention onto the show they were watching. Natasha played with your hair, braiding it one way, taking it down, then doing it again in another way. It was soothing, relaxing even, it wasn’t much longer until you were running your own fingers through Bucky’s hair. Though you didn’t braid it, you loved to feel it softly slip past your fingers. Like silk. 

Bucky kissed your hand, letting his eyes slip closed, leaning into your touch as you caressed his cheek. You looked up to see Wanda smiling at the both of you, you mouthed a quiet ‘thank you’. She nodded in understanding, leaning into Visions side as she too became engrossed in the show.

Two episodes later, you felt Bucky shift and jerk up rapidly, jumping to his feet on full protective mode. You stilled, feeling a wave of tension coming from the opposite side of the room. You felt your hand tingle as you felt pain and anger swirl around Bucky as if it was syrup dripping from him. There was no need to turn around to see who it was, for you already knew who it was. You noticed everyone, except Bucky, was watching intently, looking at you to the man Bucky was glaring daggers at.

You stood up from the floor and turned around to see a well composed, angry Steve standing there. Sam stood off to the side, not sure what to do exactly. Which didn’t last long, because Steve spoke up.

“I see she’s still here.” He was looking at you, but the statement was aimed at Bucky.

“And why wouldn’t she be? We’ve been over this, she stays, whether you like it or not.” Bucky hissed through his teeth.

All you could see was Steve standing above you, prepared to kick you in the ribs, to kill you. Flashes from the gym flicked across your memory like a movie put on play. However, this time he seemed like he was actually going to succeed because you were hyperventilating and found yourself trying to rip the hands off your face. But they held fast, not letting you move away.

“Babydoll, it’s just me, alright? Just breathe, you’re fine, you’re safe, please, just breathe with me.” A cold hand cupped your cheek, as another held one of your hands to their chest, where you could feel their heart beating in a steady rhythm.

You breathed in time with them, opening your eyes to see Bucky standing in front of you, blocking the view of Steve. Which you grateful for, right now you just needed to get yourself back together in order for you to actually do what you both came here to do.

“You back with me?” Bucky asked, forehead on yours.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. But how the hell am I supposed to tell them?”

“In whatever way you can, I’ll be here with you the whole time, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere.”  You nod, letting him know you were ready or at least ready enough to get this over with so you could just hide away in safety. Bucky grabbed your hand and sat you down on the couch furthest from Steve, taking his place beside you. Not once letting go of your hand as he gestured for everyone to take a seat as well. You watched as Steve sat down on the couch across the room next to Sam, as Natasha kept a close eye on him.

“I...there’s, there’s something I need to tell you. Only Bruce, Tony and Bucky know because I just...I don’t,” squeezing Bucky’s hand, you take a deep breath in, an effort to calm yourself. “It’s about Jaimie and…” Images of Jaimie’s cold, lifeless body with his blood seeping through your clothes came flashing back.

“Do you want me to tell them? Or do you want Tony to play the footage?” Bucky asked you softly, nodding slightly, he kissed your temple pulling you into his embrace. “Tony, you wanna bring it up?”

“Yeah,” Tony sounded sad, his voice desolate, he and Bruce tried to give you an encouraging smile, but it didn’t help. You knew they were just trying to be helpful, but it was going to take time for the healing to take place.

Tony had FRIDAY bring up a screen, where then the footage from before began to play. Everyone’s attention, even Steve’s, was on the screen. Watching as the scene unfolded, feeling Bucky tense when Pierce started talking.

_ “Stop. Let’s try a different tactic,” Pierce smiled at you, “bring him out.” The door on the opposite side of the door swung open, Johansson came walking out with his arm around your son's shoulder. You scrambled to your feet, but Rumlow held you back. _

_ “Jaimie!” _

_ “Mom!” He too tried to rush towards you, but Johansson held his arm back. _

_ “Let him go, let go of my son!” You screamed at Pierce, desperately trying to wrestle out of Rumlow’s arms. Jamie began to cry, reaching his hands to you. “Don’t cry baby, mommy’s okay, everything will be okay.” _

You felt some eyes glance at you when they saw the child run into the room, but you didn’t look at them. You were too focused on trying to keep breathing, to stay calm, but you knew what was coming.

_ “Oh, but will it, Y/N? You knew the risks and the consequences that came from betraying us. Come here, son,” Pierce held out his hand to them. Johansson brought Jamie over to him. “Your mom didn’t follow the rules, do you know what happens to those who don’t follow the rules?” When Jaimie didn’t answer him, he nodded at Rumlow who slapped you across the face. “Answer me and your mom won’t get hurt. Now, answer the question.” _

_ “No, sir,” Jaimie answered quietly, his chocolate brown eyes looking at yours. Pierce smiled down at him. _

_ “Good boy!” Ruffling Jaimie’s hair, pointing at you. “You see, Y/N, at least someone knows who’s in charge.” You fought harder against Rumlow’s hold, wanting to pull Jaimie into your arms again. Pierce knelt down in front of Jaimie. “Now be a good boy and stay here. Disobey me and I’ll hurt your mother, understood?” Jaimie nodded his head. Pierce stood up and walked towards you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. _

_ “Drastic times call for drastic measures and you, my dear, have pulled the last straw.” The look in his eyes were dark, a hidden meaning behind them, one that sent a bad sign. “Johansson, if you please.” You looked over his shoulder at Johansson, who was making his way over to Jaimie, pulling a gun from his holster. Jaimie’s eyes widened when he saw you go pale. _

_ “Mom, what’s going on?” Jaimie whimpered, you smiled encouragingly fighting to keep your composure. _

You started fidgeting in your seat, wringing your hands together, but nothing was working. The room was a deadly silence, besides the audio coming from the screen. No one moved, talked or even seem to breathe as they continued to watch. You held onto Bucky’s hand tighter, curling yourself deeper into his side, wanting to just disappear.

_ “Don’t worry, baby, everything will be alright. You’re so brave, baby, you’re father would’ve been so proud of you. Stay strong for me, okay? We’ll be out of here soon.” He gave you a tear streaked smile. You turned your attention back to Pierce. _

_ “Please, p-please don’t hurt him. He’s j-just a boy, this wasn’t his fault, p-please...he’s just a boy.” You begged him, pleaded with him to let your son go. _

_ “Oh I know, dear, but this is  _ your  _ fault. This is all...on...you.” The next few seconds went by so fast you didn’t even have a chance to blink, as a shot fired from Johansson’s gun.  _

Gasps filled the room when Pierce ordered Johansson to pull the trigger, watching as the little boys’ eyes widen in fear, but then grew dark as his life slipped away. It was like deja vu all over again, reliving a moment in history you never wanted to go through ever again. You listened to your recorded self, screaming, throwing insults, as you crawled to the lifeless body of your son. You could still feel the warm stickiness of his blood on your hands.

_ “Jaimie, baby…wake up. Please, p-please, y-you can’t leave me...I-I’m so sorry, J-Jaimie, I’m so sorry.” You hugged his lifeless body to your chest and then laid him gently on the ground. You glared daggers at Johansson. “Johansson, you bitch! He was just a boy! A boy you sick, twisted Hydra bastard!” _

“Stop! Please, just, just turn it off.” You cried out, covering your face with your hands as Tony switched the screen off. The room was silent, how were you supposed to move on from this? What were you going to tell them now?

“Y/N, I’m, I’m so sorry.” Natasha was crouching in front of you, hands gently resting on your knees. You started shaking your head, your hands dropping down to your lap as you stared at Steve, who was still sitting there as if he was unaffected.

“You happy now, Rogers? You finally got your answer, you still think I’m some fucking Hydra plant? Someone, to return him to them, bring back the Soldier?” You stood up but made no motion of walking over to him.

“Hydra’s good at training their puppets on only the things they want us to believe. For all I know, this is just a ploy to get us to believe your so-called emotional story.” Steve remarked unconvincingly, face rock hard and emotionless. Hatred bubbled within you, he still didn’t believe you, even watching as your son was murdered right in front of you, he still believed you were playing everyone.

“How can you act so cold?” Bucky tried to get you to sit back down, but you jerked his hand away. “If I was actually only here to bring Bucky back to Hydra, I would’ve done so already. I wouldn’t have waited, I would’ve taken him back just as soon as you stepped outside the building.” You glared at Steve, wanting nothing more than to punch him in his perfect teeth.

Steve stood up and glared right back at you. “Is that a confession then? Because it sure sounds like it. For all we know, they could’ve just taken a random boy from the street and paid him to play the part.” That was it, that was the last straw for you. Without a second thought, you strode towards Steve and slapped him hard across the face. The sound echoing throughout the room.

“How dare you!” A hint of surprise showed in Steve’s eyes, though he hid it well. Still very angry at him, you slapped him again just as hard. Hard enough for his lip to bleed.

“How fucking dare you! I lost my son! My  _ son _ , Rogers! Have you ever held a little boy in your arms, feel his blood seep into your clothes as you feel his very LIFE leave him?!” You felt a pair of strong hands grip your shoulders, trying to ease you back, but you stayed firm.

“You are a piece of shit, Rogers! I might’ve worked for Hydra, but I was NEVER one of them, nor will I EVER be one! You have no idea what we had to go through in order to survive, living with the fear that we might not even live to see the next day.” The hands on your shoulders tightened, you let them pull you back into a strong chest, one that belonged to Bucky.

“Let’s go, doll, you told them everything they needed to know.” You turned your back to Steve and pushed yourself into Bucky’s chest, wanting nothing more than to just crawl into bed and cry yourself to sleep.

“Let me know when my actual friend comes back,  _ Captain _ . I’m not too keen on his replacement.” Bucky told Steve, as he wrapped his metal arm around you and steered you towards the elevator.

As soon as the doors closed, your damns broke down in a wave of tears. Clinging to Bucky as you mourned again over the death of your son. There were no words that could be said, nothing to help take the pain away. So he just held you, comforted you, all the while telling you that everything was going to be okay and that he still loves you.

You just wished you could’ve said that to your Jaimie one last time.


End file.
